Thoughtful presents: You learn something new everyday

So technically this isn’t a thoughtful present, but it is a thoughtful gesture that I have done a few times that I thought I would share.

This year I know a few people that have gone through tough times and naturally I want to be there for them in the best possible way. However the tough times they are going or went through I haven’t been through myself. Quite often this can happen and you worry about whether you’ll say the right thing or not. It reminds me of something my mum said about how when my older sister passed away, one of the worst things after her passing was seeing people she knew in the street, and that they crossed the road upon seeing my mum because they didn’t know what to say to her. Although it wasn’t a conscious decision at the time my mum told me that, I knew that I didn’t want to be one of the people that crossed the street. I wanted to be prepared.

And the best way I know to be prepared or informed about a subject area I don’t know is to read about it. Reading with a purpose. The last time I read with a purpose was the library summer reading schemes I did as a child. I looked through the certificates I got for those, and I read a lot in those summers! That was the last time I probably read to a deadline regularly.

Life doesn’t come with deadlines and it’s unexpected when people you know go through tough times. The first time I read with a purpose to help was for my ex a couple of years ago. He had wanted to get back to his old self after going through a very traumatic time. I had heard about CBT and thought it matched his mindset perfectly. So I rushed to Waterstones, bought CBT for Dummies and read it in 2 weeks and suggested he'd read it and give it a go. Reading a textbook back to back is not fun, but I thought if it would help him get back to his old self then it would be useful to read the book. But as I learnt at the age of 3, you can’t force people to like you, and in a similar guise, you can’t force people to read a book. As far as I know the book is still gathering dust on his bookshelf.

After this I changed my tact. I wouldn’t give people books that I had read, rather I’d simply impart the knowledge I learnt from the book. Particularly with mental health, as I have said in a previous post, one size doesn’t fit all. So what I do know is a similar method that one of my lecturers did at uni. I throw several ideas out, and hope one sticks.

I’ve done this a few times recently. The first with the Option B book by Sheryl Sandberg. A close friend of mine is going through unbelievable grief and I wanted to help straight away. The last person that passed away in my life was my 101 year old Grandma, so we knew her time was at an end with her passing. But grief of a younger person is completely different. The Option B book is amazing and I read it in a weekend. I folded the corner of so many pages as there were so many ideas that I thought would be great in supporting my friend. And a few that I have tried so far have worked, and they’ve helped me think of other ideas too.

Reinvent Me is another great book which I bought after going to a workshop on the book and read in a few days. I’ve got a friend who’s going through a troublesome time with her career and I think the visualising part of the book will assist in seeing things in a different way, and will ultimately give her a bit of a boost.

Lastly I read Fearne Cotton’s Happy book after a friend of mine recently got diagnosed with depression. I had read another book on depression years ago, so I had already read into the subject before. Although the Happy book isn’t completely about depression, it does give tips on ways of coping. So I’m going to write to my friend today with some ideas that might be useful tools for her.

You might think I put pressure on myself to read these books in a fast turnaround time, but when someone in your life is going through a tough time; you want the tough times to start getting better yesterday, and that’s why I read the books and absorb them as fast as I can. Life is busy so maybe reading a book for someone might not be feasible, but maybe sending a song or a quote or an article you read might help them through that tough time, and be a quicker way to show you are there for someone.

Thoughtful presents: Sock-cakes

My friend Michelle’s birthday is a few days before mine and we both like cakes whether its eating or baking them.

A while ago she randomly dropped into conversation that she likes socks, especially the furry ones and I wondered whether I could combine cakes and socks. It turns out I can with what is known as the sock-cakes!

I was originally going to present these on a card cupcake stand, but this was impossible to find, so I found a nice tray from Poundland. They do a great baking range there and I need to go back and stock up. The silicon cupcake cases you can also get from Poundland but I got mine from Wilkinsons and the socks were from New Look.

To make the socks look like cakes, (and believe me from afar they do look like cakes) I got the pairs together, rolled them up and then put an elastic band around them. Then when putting them in the cases I pulled the band down so it was hidden by the cases.

I think Michelle like the gift, although her baby daughter started getting grumpy and Michelle had to see if she was okay, so she didn’t really get time to look at the present.

Screenwriting: London Screenwriters Festival

From the 15-17 September I went to the London Screenwriters Festival! I found out about it last year, but didn’t go as I didn’t think I was ready. With a couple of new screenplays under my belt I thought now was the right time.

I didn’t know what to expect, but in the days leading upto it started to look at the sessions on offer, and with one of them being about Pixar and the art of storytelling, I started to get really excited. The festival had five streams of talks and going in I thought it would be a great opportunity to learn lots and meet like minded people.

And that’s pretty much what the festival did. There were hundreds of people all with different levels of experience; some people hadn’t written anything, others had several short films made, and others who had just written one project. It was really interesting to talk to others about their writing processes and see what I could learn from that. I was a bit wary of talking about all my different ideas I had, but I ended up just talking mostly about what I had written on in the past and what I was working on currently. There wasn’t a writer that was writing for the same genre, as most people I met wrote dramas, and it will be useful to keep in contact with them, for when I write darker pieces.
What was surprising was how generous people were with their time; ranging from other delegates, to speakers. It was hard to gauge how much time to spend with each delegate. I didn’t want to spend too long because I thought otherwise I might miss out on meeting someone who could provide a different opportunity or approach to writing that I might benefit.

The festival had a few extra sessions on which you had to book in advanced, these were the Pitchfest, Table Reads and Speed Networking. I only went to the networking, but upon hearing from others who took part in the first two, I definitely want to do those next year, even if they do feel extremely daunting!

The speed networking was beneficial but was a bit of a blur as it was an hour session and you only had 2 minutes to talk to each person. Some people stood out and I got lots of business cards, but the people that I spoke to before and after the session stuck in my mind.

I left the festival, firstly completely knackered. But I left with a nice group of screenwriters that share the same enthusiasm about screenwriting, and don’t glaze over when I go in depth about screenwriting ideas, which some people who don’t write sometimes do. They have also said they would like to read my screenplays and provide feedback which will be invaluable. I learnt way more than I expected. I learnt a lot about the industry, how you need to be strategic, and make opportunities yourself, and about how to improve my work straightaway. I took lots of notes from the sessions I went to, and a fair amount of new ideas for screenplays I’m already writing. I even started listening to On the Page podcasts, which is a podcast series one of the speakers runs, and I’m learning a lot from them already.

Now it’s just the constant balance of trying to fit the day job and screenwriting in. I left with a great enthusiasm and motivation. I just need to keep the momentum going!

Pictures from London Screenwriters Festival; photographer Naomi Koiji Paton.

Thoughtful presents: One size does not fit all

This is a particularly tricky blog post to write, but one I felt I would attempt to say a few words on. Over the past few months there have been a few people in my life that have gone through mental health issues. (My apologies if that is the incorrect term.) I’m not going to say their names as it isn’t important but they have all been dealing with depression and anxiety.

When you see people in your life go through these things, I have a particular reflex that I have to do something to make their life better in some way, but not necessarily give a solution. There is no end date for someone being free of a mental health issue.

What I have come to learn is that one size doesn’t fit all. 2 people I know were both going through depression and anxiety. Both let me know what was going on and while one wanted me around, the other upon offering to keep them company, they said they didn’t want to see people.

Trying to show support from afar can be tricky. Quite often we can say to friends who are going through a tough time I’ll be there for you, but I feel that doesn’t really do much.

Although the internet isn’t professional advice, I wanted to see from real people what helps them when they are going through depression and anxiety. Buzzfeed gave me some great ideas and I created 2 care packages for people I knew going through anxiety.

The packages included a water bottle to keep hydrated, playdough to play with and keep distracted with. A puzzle book to keep the mind busy, a notebook to draw doodles in, socks to wear for long walks, bubbles to blow, a favourite book to read and a nicely scented candle. I thought if I put a variety of things that may help, then at least one might have the right impact. And the people i gave the packages to said about the things in the packages that helped which was a good sign.

I bought the person that couldn’t see people during the dark times a necklace to symbolise that even though they couldn’t see people, it gave the feeling they weren’t alone.

When giving gifts you have to be careful not to bombard the person. One gift is enough to say that you are there for that person unconditionally. I give the gifts a couple of days after I know what that person is going through. I do this just so the person has forgotten the conversation we had and is now focused onto something else.

Since the people in my life have hit their lowest points, I check in from time to time to ensure they don’t feel pressured in giving updates. Cards are a great thing to give if you just want to remind someone you are there for them, and a symbol of how far they’ve come in their journey.

I’m not sure if this blog post has been of help to anyone, or whether I’ve been to blasé about mental health issues. It’s something I’m constantly learning about. I read a book called Sunbathing in the Sun years ago, which is about depression. Becoming more knowledgeable about mental health isn’t going to make me an expert, and that’s not what I set out to do. But I hope that I can be a better person and support to those I know going through mental health issues.

Thoughtful presents: Leaving on a jet plane

My friend Coops and his girlfriend Fran who I’ve become friends with as well are heading off to New Zealand for 18 months. Yesterday they had farewell drinks and I thought it was an occasion that needed a present.

I thought the best thing to get them was an airport/flight care package. After asking a couple of friends who’d travelled a fair bit for some ideas I came up with the below.

I bought them a couple of magazines; Coops loves films so Empire magazine was best. For Fran I got her Psychologies magazine as I thought fashion and girlie magazines weren’t her sort of thing. I also put in a colouring book and puzzle book to keep boredom away and some fluffy warm socks for the flight itself.

They weren’t expecting anything, so their surprised reaction was nice to see.

Thoughtful presents: First time mums

Over the years quite a few of my friends have been pregnant and it’s easy to think of a present for when the baby is born, but not so easy to think of what to get somebody who has just announced they are pregnant.

I’ve given this present twice, first to my friend Michelle when she was pregnant last year, and secondly a few months back to a colleague of mine who announced she was pregnant also.

When Michelle first told me she was pregnant I wondered what could I get her to say congrats but also be helpful. Alas my two week work placement at Mother and Baby magazine during my Journalism degree did not prove useful in thinking of an idea. Partly because I spent the majority of the time photocopying!

So I googled what expectant mums would be going through in the first trimester and found that they would be getting increasingly tired and needed more water than usual. There were other things as well, probably to do with food, but I thought people’s food tastes are so different and change so much with pregnancy that I thought it was best to steer clear of food.

I then thought to keep it simple and buy a water bottle and a cushion. Both my colleague and Michelle commuted to work, so both presents were needed and greatly appreciated.

Thoughtful presents: Not costing the earth

I find the whole issue of how much we spend on presents really interesting. I’m a firm believer that affection shouldn’t come at a cost. I remember at school and uni, people would talk about how much they would spend on Christmas presents for their family and it would be around £200 and I was shocked.

My family pride ourselves on getting a bargain. It doesn’t mean that a family member isn’t less deserving of a gift because we didn’t spend so much on them. It means we can spend money on a greater number of people if we wish. I remember one Christmas Lucy bought Lisa series 1-5 of CSI, and she had to explain the cost because HMV had made a major error in their labelling and instead of £30 or so, it was £3 or roundabouts that figure! It was that great a bargain that the story had to be told.

On Tuesday I caught up with my friend Laura who I hadn’t seen in a couple of months. It was her birthday on Monday and I said that I would treat her to some gelato at Fabios. I also had bought a lucky dip bag from Tiger, which happened to be her favourite shop. I had no idea what was in it, but as you can see she got some random gifts. I didn’t realise that she actually loved the bird clips in the bag and had a few already and wanted some more.

She loved the lucky dip bag and the gelato; with the bag costing £2 and the gelato just over £3, a fiver for happiness for a friend isn’t bad going.