The question that came to me immediately was who would I write the cards to? With social media and wanting to tell people about positive things, if I missed someone out they might question why they didn’t get a card? So I tried to write to as many women that were in my life as I could. These ranged from relatives, old work colleagues and close friends.
In each card I wrote what I admired about that person, applauded any changes or challenges they had been through and how if they were having a tough day, reading the card would give them a boost. Writing the cards was not to get likes or Facebook posts dedicated to me. Of course, it would have been nice to have an acknowledgement for receiving the card, for the simple reason to check whether Royal Mail was working and that it had not have been lost in the post, but I was fine without it. I didn’t contact people asking if they had received their card. If I did that, it felt like I was chasing praise, which I did not want. I asked one of my sisters if she received a card and it was awkward as she didn’t realise she had to tell me that she got her card.
I then expanded writing cards to friends that were fading or had faded for my life. It wasn’t a sign for them to give our friendship another go, far from it. The reason I wrote to this group of people was that they had all contributed in a small way to being who I am today.
Once the ball was rolling on writing the cards, I wrote to four women that had helped my career in someway. It’s not everyday you can express gratitude for somebody that has helped, supported or stood up for you in your career, so I took this as an opportunity to do so.
The whole process wasn’t easy. There were some cards I struggled to write. This was when it took time to come up with things I admired about that person; this could be due to me not knowing that person very well, or their strengths not being so prominent in comparison to others. Or if one of the fading friends had hurt me in the past, could I move on from that or not?
Like most of my projects/tasks/challenges I give myself, it turned out way bigger than I thought. I wrote to 67 women in total. (Two cards has yet to be posted as I haven’t got their addresses even though I asked.) Around a third of the women I wrote I got no reply, and that’s really okay. Some people do not know how to deal with random gratitude that comes through the letterbox. A few sent me a brief message saying thank you, others stated what traits they admired in me which wasn’t the intention and it made me feel a bit uneasy as it would come off that this was a boosting my own ego project which wasn’t the case. A few replies provided me with closure on certain friendships that had been in the balance. I felt I could draw a line and move on. One even wrote saying they had been a terrible friend and I shouldn’t have wasted my time writing to them. As I’m living till 105, I got a few minutes to spare.
There was one message that stood out from all the rest, and that was from my old friend Kirsty. We had in fact been best friends since sixth form and I was her maid of honour at her wedding. Then three years ago she stopped replying to my messages for no reason. There was no big argument, no big event or scene, she just disappeared. It took a long time to accept and move on. I often thought it was because I didn’t have children and she did and wanted to hang out only with other mums. However that didn’t make sense as she had said when she was pregnant she wanted to still be friends so she had some entertainment in her life.
Her card was one of the toughest cards to write. Questions of should I leave her in the past or not went through my mind. There was no guarantee of a reply, would I be okay with a reply furthermore? There might have been something I’d done wrong that hadn’t realised. She sent two messages to me within a day of each other. The first thanking me, and I saw that as closure. But then a second message came and it said about how she’d been going through a tough time over the past few years and she got into a bad crowd and lost contact with some people including myself. The cards although intentionally were set out to give people a boost, it also gave an opportunity to make amends.
I’m not sure what the future holds for my friendship with Kirsty, I’ve said we can try and rebuild it, and we have met up a couple of times since the card, and a third time to meet up has been arranged.
I’ve found at first writing the cards was a bit odd, but the more I wrote to people and thought about the highs and lows these women had been through, the easier it was to praise their achievements and their strength.
Gratitude and praise is an area that can be tricky. It’s far more easier to see the negative and complain about things. Praising somebody’s personality and achievements takes a lot more effort. With some of the letters women said it came through at the right time; they’d been having a tough week or day and it lifted their spirits. It may not be for everyone, but I’m glad I took the time to write to those 67 women. Maybe try writing to one person you admire, as corny as it sounds it may make their day!
