So technically this isn’t a thoughtful present, but it is a thoughtful gesture that I have done a few times that I thought I would share.
This year I know a few people that have gone through tough times and naturally I want to be there for them in the best possible way. However the tough times they are going or went through I haven’t been through myself. Quite often this can happen and you worry about whether you’ll say the right thing or not. It reminds me of something my mum said about how when my older sister passed away, one of the worst things after her passing was seeing people she knew in the street, and that they crossed the road upon seeing my mum because they didn’t know what to say to her. Although it wasn’t a conscious decision at the time my mum told me that, I knew that I didn’t want to be one of the people that crossed the street. I wanted to be prepared.
And the best way I know to be prepared or informed about a subject area I don’t know is to read about it. Reading with a purpose. The last time I read with a purpose was the library summer reading schemes I did as a child. I looked through the certificates I got for those, and I read a lot in those summers! That was the last time I probably read to a deadline regularly.
Life doesn’t come with deadlines and it’s unexpected when people you know go through tough times. The first time I read with a purpose to help was for my ex a couple of years ago. He had wanted to get back to his old self after going through a very traumatic time. I had heard about CBT and thought it matched his mindset perfectly. So I rushed to Waterstones, bought CBT for Dummies and read it in 2 weeks and suggested he'd read it and give it a go. Reading a textbook back to back is not fun, but I thought if it would help him get back to his old self then it would be useful to read the book. But as I learnt at the age of 3, you can’t force people to like you, and in a similar guise, you can’t force people to read a book. As far as I know the book is still gathering dust on his bookshelf.
After this I changed my tact. I wouldn’t give people books that I had read, rather I’d simply impart the knowledge I learnt from the book. Particularly with mental health, as I have said in a previous post, one size doesn’t fit all. So what I do know is a similar method that one of my lecturers did at uni. I throw several ideas out, and hope one sticks.
I’ve done this a few times recently. The first with the Option B book by Sheryl Sandberg. A close friend of mine is going through unbelievable grief and I wanted to help straight away. The last person that passed away in my life was my 101 year old Grandma, so we knew her time was at an end with her passing. But grief of a younger person is completely different. The Option B book is amazing and I read it in a weekend. I folded the corner of so many pages as there were so many ideas that I thought would be great in supporting my friend. And a few that I have tried so far have worked, and they’ve helped me think of other ideas too.
Reinvent Me is another great book which I bought after going to a workshop on the book and read in a few days. I’ve got a friend who’s going through a troublesome time with her career and I think the visualising part of the book will assist in seeing things in a different way, and will ultimately give her a bit of a boost.
Lastly I read Fearne Cotton’s Happy book after a friend of mine recently got diagnosed with depression. I had read another book on depression years ago, so I had already read into the subject before. Although the Happy book isn’t completely about depression, it does give tips on ways of coping. So I’m going to write to my friend today with some ideas that might be useful tools for her.
You might think I put pressure on myself to read these books in a fast turnaround time, but when someone in your life is going through a tough time; you want the tough times to start getting better yesterday, and that’s why I read the books and absorb them as fast as I can. Life is busy so maybe reading a book for someone might not be feasible, but maybe sending a song or a quote or an article you read might help them through that tough time, and be a quicker way to show you are there for someone.
